Thursday, September 16, 2021

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Washington Woman Claims To Be In An Intimate Relationship With Bigfoot

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Nancy Hoggert, a Belfair, Washington resident has quite an unusual claim. The former marijuana farmer boasts of being in an intimate relationship with none other than Sasquatch himself. Hoggert recently told Bigfoot Tracker that the couple met way back in 2008…

“Bigfoot was standing there eating all the buds off my plants,” Hoggert said. “At first I wanted to run cause he’s very scary, but I thought he might eat all of my marijuana plants and that’s how I used to make a living. I pointed my shotgun at him and he put up his hands, scared.”

But then something happened that was to change Nancy’s life forever…

“That’s when I looked down and noticed he had a huge erection between his legs. I hadn’t gotten any in a while and well, from there, it somehow turned steamy. I don’t know if he started it or I did. He did me from behind and I’ve got to admit – it felt kinda great!”

Bigfoot Love

But it’s not just the physical side of love that Bigfoot is so adept at. He’s a old school romantic too.

“He is so sweet and caring. He brings me flowers and mushrooms. Holds me while we stargaze. The only downside is that he doesn’t speak English. I have taught him how to say my name, but it’s kind of garbled and he mispronounces it… ‘Nunnnsay’. Bless him.”

Real Life Bigfoot

The couple plan on testing science to the maximum and trying for a baby in the near future.

“Once I’m pregnant, Bigfoot – or John as I call him – and I are going to settle down and live a quiet domesticated life in my house. He loves living in the forest, but I’m sick of the long-distance relationship. I have to commute for three hours to be with my man. It’s getting old and gas is expensive.”

Bigfoot Love

So what about the future? Will the couple ever leave Washington state to see if the wider world will accept them and their bizarre love?

“No, probably not. Government scientists will just take and dissect him or try to turn him into a solider to fight ISIS or something. You know how the government is.”

“But now that marijuana is legal in Washington State I don’t have an income. So capitalizing on my boyfriend’s fame is the only plan I have to make money. I might start by selling my story as a TV movie for The Hallmark Channel.”

A bizarre story of either cryptozoological inter-species love or intense mental illness. Either way, we wish Nancy/Nunnnsay all the very best of luck in the future…

We’ve no footage of Nancy and ‘John’ together as she claims he’s ‘shy’, but here’s the next best thing:

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